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Expat Cafe
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  • #166
    fredandjulie
        • Topics: 19
        • Replies: 30
        • Total: 49
        • BIC Junior Member
        • ★★★
        Member since: 12th November 2005

        Can you imagine working for a company that has a little over 500 employees, yet has the following statistics?

        29 have been accused of spouse abuse

        7 have been arrested for fraud

        19 have been accused of writing bad cheques

        117 have directly or indirectly bankrupted at least 2 businesses

        3 have done time for assault

        71 cannot get a credit card due to bad credit

        14 have been arrested on drug-related charges

        8 have been arrested for shoplifting

        21 are currently defendants in lawsuits

        84 have been arrested for drunk driving in the last year

        Can you guess which organisation this is?

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        They are members of the British Houses of Parliament !!!

        #648
        mickmct
            • Topics: 7
            • Replies: 19
            • Total: 26
            • BIC Junior Member
            • ★★★
            Member since: 25th November 2005

            On the salary they get? Where do I sign up? I’d only have to work with them!

            #1032
            Eleni13
                • Topics: 18
                • Replies: 426
                • Total: 444
                • Practcally Cretan
                • ★★★★★★
                Member since: 15th November 2005

                >:(

                Not to mention their guaranteed, inflation-proof pension!

                #1354
                Anonymous
                    • Topics: 410
                    • Replies: 3735
                    • Total: 4145
                    • Practcally Cretan
                    • ★★★★★★
                    Member since: 1st January 1970

                    JOB DESCRIPTION :
                    Long term, team players needed, for challenging permanent work in an, often chaotic environment. Candidates must possess excellent communication and
                    organizational skills and be willing to work variable hours, which will include evenings and weekends and frequent 24 hour shifts on call. Some overnight travel required, including trips to primitive camping sites on rainy weekends and endless sports tournaments in far away cities! Travel expenses not reimbursed. Extensive courier duties also required.

                    RESPONSIBILITIES :
                    The rest of your life. Must be willing to be hated, at least temporarily,
                    until someone needs $5. Must be willing to bite tongue repeatedly. Also, must possess the physical stamina of a pack mule and be able to go from zero to 60 mph in three seconds flat in case, this time, the screams from the backyard are not someone just crying wolf. Must be willing to face stimulating technical challenges, such as small gadget repair, mysteriously sluggish toilets and stuck zippers. Must screen phone calls, maintain calendars and coordinate production of multiple homework projects. Must have ability to plan and organize social gatherings for clients of all ages and mental outlooks.

                    Must be willing to be indispensable one minute, an embarrassment the next. Must handle assembly and product safety testing of a half million cheap, plastic toys, and battery operated devices. Must always hope for the best but be prepared for the worst. Must assume final, complete accountability for the quality of the end product. Responsibilities also include floor maintenance and janitorial work throughout the facility.

                    POSSIBILITY FOR ADVANCEMENT & PROMOTION :
                    None. Your job is to remain in the same position for years, without
                    complaining, constantly retraining and updating your skills, so that those in your charge can ultimately surpass you.

                    PREVIOUS EXPERIENCE :
                    None required unfortunately. On-the-job training offered on a continually
                    exhausting basis.

                    WAGES AND COMPENSATION :
                    Get this! You pay them! Offering frequent raises and bonuses. A balloon
                    payment is due when they turn 18 because of the assumption that college will help them become financially independent. When you die, you give them whatever is left. The oddest thing about this reverse-salary scheme is that you actually enjoy it and wish you could only do more.

                    BENEFITS :
                    While no health or dental insurance, no pension, no tuition reimbursement,
                    no paid holidays and no stock options are offered; this job supplies limitless opportunities for personal growth and free hugs for life if you play your cards right.

                    ————————————————————————————

                    But, of course, most of did – PARENTS – what suckers!!!!! ;) ;D

                    #1632
                    Baccybabs
                        • Topics: 39
                        • Replies: 211
                        • Total: 250
                        • Practcally Cretan
                        • ★★★★★★
                        Member since: 15th November 2005

                        They are members of the British Houses of Parliament !!!

                        Hmmmm .. figures >:(

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